How Can I Not Love You
by maybesomeday8
Summary: [written for improv 20] Lorelai's thoughts, feelings and reactions while in attendence at Christopher and Sherry's wedding reception.


Title: How Can I Not Love You  
Author: Shay  
Rating: PG13 for some language.  
Improv: #20 - flaunt - brusque - intense - possess - virtue  
Disclaimer: All things GG are ASP's. The song isn't mine, either  
Spoilers: Up to _Dear Emily and Richard_, I think.  
Authors Note : This is just a simple fic, concerning Lorelai's reactions at Christopher and Sherry's wedding reception.  
  
  
  
  
  


**How Can I Not Love You**  
written by _Shay_  


  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're pretty," Lorelai cooed to the bartender, who smiled politely, but looked thoroughly frightened. Her drink in her hand, she turned away from him, leaning her back against the bar, her blue eyes taking in the festivities. Had it been any other wedding reception, she would have admitted that it was absolutely beautiful, the room adorned in white and sparkling lights, the soft music from the DJ enhancing the atmosphere. Too bad she found it now to be entirely nauseating. Her eyes continued to slide across the room to where her daughter, Rory was dancing with a long-lost cousin from her fathers side, one she had never met but found an immediate kindred spirit in. She was dressed in the pale yellow bridesmaid dress the bride, that evil wench, had selected, her hair falling in curls around her face. She stood out like no other and Lorelai smiled in spite of herself. She would never take her daughter, never. A slight feeling of triumph spread through her, warming her. Nope, she may have taken him, but she would never, could never, take Rory.  
  
The mid temp song changed into a slow dance and with a graceful smile, she watched as Rory politely excused herself from her dance partner, and stepping off the dance floor. Lorelai tossed her a little wave as she gazed around the crowd, looking for her mother. A happy grin spread across her face and she rushed towards her.  
  
"There you are." She greeted as she neared her.  
  
"Yep, here I am." Lorelai returned, taking a sip of her martini.   
  
"Nick wants to come visit us in Stars Hollow before he goes back to Phoenix next week, is that okay?" Rory eagerly asked, referring to the aforementioned cousin.  
  
Lorelai shrugged noncommittally. "Sure."  
  
Rory's grin intensified and she gave her mother a quick hug. "Thank you! I'm gonna go find him."  
  
Nodding in acceptance, Lorelai watched her go, sighing as she was left alone again. Her eyes wandering again, she watched, almost tiredly, as Sherry meandered about, flaunting and giddily boasting about the wedding. Outwardly, she seemed indifferent, inwardly, her heart was bleeding. It should have been her, dammit!   
  
Suddenly feeling grouchy, she turned back to the bartender, ordering another drink. As soon as the glass was handed to her, she headed towards the exit, unable to take watching the newlyweds anymore. Stalking out of the room, she didn't notice that Christopher had followed her out.  
  
"Lor?" He called as they stepped into the cool Massachusetts night.  
  
"Go away, Chris," Lorelai said stiffly, not wanting him to see her tears.  
  
Christopher's voice grew soft, taking on a concerned tone. "What's wrong, Lor?"  
  
"What's wrong?" Lorelai demanded, her tone brusque, as she spun around to look at him, her face blotched with tears. "Are you seriously asking me that?"  
  
His expression faded into pain. "You're right. I'm sorry."  
  
She rolled her eyes in exasperation and turned back around, facing the small pond she had stopped in front of. Furiously, one hand came up to cleanse her face of the tears that had left their marks on her cheeks. It was futile, however, as another batch came cascading down a second later.   
  
Christopher's heart clenched at the sound of her quiet sobs and with a heavy sigh, he stepped up beside her, tentatively wrapping an arm around her waist. She didn't push him away like he had expected, but instead, curled into him, burying her face in his chest, her body trembling from her weeping. Gently, he pulled away slightly, brushing back her hair, smoothing it away from her face. She gazed up at him, her blue eyes shining with tears in the moonlight, still sniffling.  
  
"I'm sorry," He said again, his voice low and husky and she instinctively knew that he wasn't just apologizing for tonight, but for everything he had ever done to her and to Rory, be it right or wrong. She nodded in understanding, stepping back a bit further, pulling out of his grasp.  
  
"You better get back in there. Wouldn't want Sherry to think I was robbing you of your newlywed virtue."  
  
She managed a small smile, one that looked painfully forced. He hated himself for putting that expression on her face, one that hadn't made an appearance since the day he came to tell her he was moving to California. But regardless, he gave her a forced one of his own, trying to be strong. "For what it's worth, Lor," he began, nearly choking on his words. "The whole time we were standing up there, during the ceremony, it was you I was seeing, not Sherry."  
  
"Don't say that," Lorelai protested, shaking her head. "It's just going to make things harder for you."  
  
He nodded, turning to leave, but turned back to her a second later, his face masked with pain. "I'll always love you, Lor."  
  
She swallowed hard and nodded with a look of regret painted across her visage. "I know. Same here."  
  
Taking a few steps back to her, they embraced again and he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "Don't stay out here too long, okay?"  
  
"Okay," she whispered, letting him go. Her heart officially crushed, she watched him walk back towards the reception hall, his stride considerably less confident then it had been coming out. Sighing, she closed her eyes to collect her bearings and headed back inside herself.  
  
*****  
  
After a good ten minutes spent in the woman's bathroom to wash and fix her makeup, Lorelai reluctantly reentered the room where the majority of the guests were living it up on the dance floor. A upbeat cheesy 80's rock song was blaring from the speakers, but she didn't hear it. All she could see was Sherry, dressed in the long, flowing white gown, laughing as she tried to mimic Christopher's offbeat dance moves. He never could dance, Lorelai remembered wistfully. The two of them bumped into Rory and Nick, who weren't really dancing so much, as they were standing there, moving their bodies every now and then. The four exchanged smiles and Christopher said something that caused them all to laugh. Rory said something to them all and then, catching sight of her mother, headed back to her.  
  
"You look like you're having fun," Lorelai commented as her daughter collapsed in the chair beside her.  
  
"I am," Rory confirmed.  
  
"Good, that's good."  
  
"Hey, are you okay?" Rory asked, turning to face her, her expression concerned.  
  
Lorelai waved her hand dismissively. "I'm fine. I think I ate too much."  
  
Rory eyed her curiously, but didn't pry. They sat in silence until the song ended, which is when Christopher approached them. Flashing their daughter a smile, he held out his hand to Lorelai.   
  
She gave him a look, as if to ask what he was doing. He just grinned at her and she hesitantly took his hand. "You owe me a dance," he said quietly as he pulled her towards the floor.  
  
Her mind took a sudden flash back to the Homecoming Dance they had attended together in high school, where she had gotten ill and had to leave ten minutes into it. He had announced then that one day he would claim the dance that they had never gotten the chance to dance then. An amused smile appeared on her face as they stopped among the sea of other dancers. "You're almost twenty years late, buddy," she said pointedly, poking him in the chest lightly.  
  
He grinned. "I'm not the one who puked all over Mr. Gracy's shoes."  
  
She just rolled her eyes, her breath catching in her throat as the next song started and he pulled her closer. What had possessed her to agree to dance with him? His hand on her back coaxed her to relax and she did, melting into him, resting her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.   
  
  
_Cannot touch, cannot hold  
cannot be together  
cannot love, cannot kiss  
cannot have each other  
must be strong  
and we must let go  
cannot say what our hearts must know_  
  
  
It was funny, the way words can have such an intense impact on your feelings, playing with your emotions. The lyrics to the song they were dancing to, one she had never heard before, fit their situation perfectly and she found herself forcing the tears to stay back, once again.  
  
The same feelings and thoughts were running through Christopher's mind as he slowly moved with Lorelai in his arms, for what would probably be the last time. He had always believed that they were meant for each other and to let go hurt so tremendously, he wasn't sure he could.  
  
_How can I not love you  
what do I tell my heart  
when do I not want you   
here in my arms  
how does one waltz away   
from all of the memories  
how do I not miss you   
when you are gone_  
  
Lorelai lifted her head ever so slightly and was greeted with the sight of Sherry, standing on the side of the dance floor, looking non too happy about the current arrangement and she felt a sudden surge of satisfaction. Her thought from earlier that evening was wrong, she realized. Sherry might have him physically, but his heart would always belong to her. It wouldn't be easy, going through life, pretending that she didn't love him, but they would know. They were too linked, had too much of a history, to intertwined and she couldn't, regardless how much she might wish it, ever come between that. Fighting the grin that threatened to find itself a home on her face, she dropped her head back to his shoulder, intent on enjoying the rest of this moment.  
  
_How can I not love you when you are gone_  
  
  
******  
  
end.  



End file.
